I remember the lonely days of my childhood full of shadows and dark places. Lonely not in the sense that I was physically alone since I have plenty of friends and a solid family with a doting mother that loved me. Cosmic loneliness was what was making me sad...a lot of people were all around me, but there were times I felt afraid of what lies ahead...for the grave was all I saw.What if my mother dies? Who would take care of me, I wondered if God was really there. Blue was all the color I saw. During the times when I was up on our roofs I looked at the skies ...and felt the blues. I felt it most especially when my childhood friends who were brothers and sister transferred to Davao...I did not bid them goodbye when they left. I blamed them in my heart for my loneliness, i was bitter against them because they would leaved.
I dreamed of traveling to other planets...up in the roofs I daydreamed of riding flying saucers or meeting powerful beings from space. Eternity was in my heart but I was wondering why the grave was all I saw. It made me lonely. I prayed mechanically to a God I did not know, wondering if He was there. I repeated each prayer ten times as in "Let not my father die! Let not my father die, let not my father die....let not my mother die, let not my mother die....let not my brother die, let not my bro.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...till I fell asleep...
Then my father died when I was ten year old...and my eldest brother Dan died when I was 14 year old....and I sang " there we were in one place ...a generation lost in space with no time to start again..."
